Month: January 2017

Beyond the Id and Ego

When we first discovered we were becoming parents not only were we super excited as we had been trying for a while, but I pitied my unborn child.  Between my years spent as a teacher in the Juvenile Justice System and my course work with child and adolescent development and psychology this kid had little chance to get over on us.

Was my ego wrong!

The first few years appeared like we had this parenting thing down!  Our son slept through the night at 4 months of age; going to bed by 7 PM and waking up around 5 AM for food and a diaper change going back to sleep till 7 AM. He took one two hour nap every day.  He was eating solids by 5 months and ate everything we put in front of him. Everyone commented on how well he listened once he became mobile.  He never tried butting strange objects in his mouth or eating random food bits he would find without checking with us first.  He always stayed next to us when we would go for walks but have no fear with playing with others.  Our parenting ego inflated!

Around our son’s second birthday we found out we were expecting again, yay!  Then our son’s Id and ego started to show. Many people call this the terrible twos, horrible threes and the horrendous fours as these two Freudian developments battle for control.  The Id are the emotional melt downs when they don’t get their way, the crying, screaming, running away all emotional and instinctive responses to life that revolves around them but not really . . . and it drains every rational molecule from your body.

Gone is the ability to offer Montessori life lessons of choices, this is what I (the parent) want and this is what you (the child) don’t want.  Gone was the ability to follow simple directions. Gone was the ability to have a bad day because they think it is because of them. Though it is not all bad.

With help of the ego comes the cuddles and kisses, funny jokes and silly antics.  We welcomed the ability that if I do good, good things happen and I get what I want.

For us, going through this stage and having a new born all while  I lost my job and began the search for a new one was a bit much.  We weathered it well but it took it’s toll.Now that our son is turning 5 in a few short months we are starting to see his superego emerge and I love it!

We always tried to instill the concept of thinking of others,  doing for others without thought of the return. He came with me to volunteer events and to make donations at shelters and food banks.  We have a box in our home to set aside toys for kids who don’t have any and began running races raising money for charity. But during the ego and id stage everything is about them!

Before If I was getting frustrated that it was taking 5 minutes just to exit to the main road from our development my son would start to cry because he thought he did something wrong, now after months of explaining that Momma is frustrated with the traffic not him he starting to get it!

The other day i was working on a project for an upcoming event while he played in the same room.  I become frustrated that I could not get my project right and let out a little growl of frustration.  Previously he would have started crying loudly thinking I was mad at him.  This time he stopped playing looked at me with a serious face and said, “Are you mad at me?” When I said no I was having a difficult time with something I was doing and needed to let the frustration out he said OK and went back to playing.  It made me so proud of him I stopped what I was doing and played with him . . . causing our 2 year old daughter come on and see what is going on.

Looks like we have one entering the Superego stage and another fully mired in the id.  Here is to hoping I learned enough coping skills to get through the next 2-ish years!

To Poo or not to Poo

Anyone who knows me understands I am all about a good deal.  I have blogged about couponing before.  It is an addiction.  If I can get something for pennies or free I am all over it; if it is something a company is paying me to take home, watch out! Case in point, I currently have 16 bottles of shampoo and conditioner on my storage shelves.  Don’t even get me started on the amount of toilet paper I have!

Why you ask?  Because the companies paid me to take them home! Makes sense right!

Wrong!

Not the answer you were expecting?  Let me explain.

Just before Thanksgiving I started using the no poo method (not using conventional shampoo and conditioner).  I have researched this method for almost a year, including speaking with people I know personally who also don’t poo.

Let me guess the next question . . .why?

Since the birth of my daughter my hair and skin have been a total mess.  I cut it pixie short to help cut off the damage and for convenience. 14955863_10208897981460571_3397250252467152364_n This was taken on Halloween, with the culprit of my hair dilemma.  Not horrible but not great either.Even with taking into account I already worked a few hours that morning, my hair was not doing well. Though a lot less frizzy then it was the year before, it still does not have the look at me shine and glow of healthy hair. Desperate times call for desperate measures, especially since I decided to start growing my hair back out.  As a Leo, my mane is all important!

About the time of my 40th, I started experimenting with my skin care. Lack of sleep and stress made me feel like my skin was haggard looking.  That does not work for the forty and fabulous club I was to joining! This experiment involved vinegar as a toner.  After a few weeks I noticed a difference in my pores and less breakouts too. For someone who breaks out at the slightest temperature change, this was pretty cool and got me considering the no poo method even more.

In general, I already did not “wash” my hair every day.  Lets face it, I am a mom of two young children; I am lucky when I get to pee in peace. Taking a shower is an absolute luxury!

Like most major changes, the decision was not made quickly.  It was after talking to a friend just before Thanksgiving that I decided to take the plunge! After just one washing I could see and feel a difference. This picture was taken a day or two after my first attempt at the no poo method.  The volume and shine alone made it completely worth the experiment.  The only time I blow dry my hair is when I am at the salon.  My idea of styling is combing or brushing it as it dries and hope it stays somewhat like that.  I tend to run my hands through my hair a lot so it is not likely.  This picture was also taken on a chilly day at the zoo, so this is even wind tossed!15252534_10157775388915585_5668195309581824085_o

It has now been over a month since I switched.  I am now even using baking soda as a facial scrub once a week and vinegar as a toner after each face washing.  I still use my Noxzema as a general cleanser, but adding these in has added even more clarity and tone to my skin, at least I think so.  If you were to ask my man, he says no one sees themselves accurately. How about you decide.

This is a picture taken after this weeks washing and facial.  I made sure to take the “beauty face” setting off on this one too.

20170108_164412My hair is not styled and just air dried.  I am not wearing makeup in any of the pictures.  What do you think?  Me I am going to keep up the no poo, so far I am pleased with the results!

Breaking the Box

Most of my life I dealt with issues by compartmentalizing them.  Work and personal life were mostly kept separate.  There are always work friends and non work friends; they may hear about work but they were separate in my world.  I was different in both of them.

As I grew and expanded my world, more compartments or boxes developed.  Volunteering, work, family, working out, writing; these worlds were all kept separate.  Rarely would I mix the boxes together. This is how I was able to keep balance in my life, or so I thought.  I created separate personas on social media; despite often posting similar stories. I thought this was the best way to keep things organized.

By keeping the parts of my life separate I thought I would have more control.  How foolish.

By keeping these parts of me separate I was never able to fully become who I am. By keeping life “simple” and “organized”, as I told myself I was doing, was actually making life more difficult and complicated.  My life is not made of parts, but of all of it.  The entire jumbled mess of it!

I am a mother, an entrepreneur, a writer, a volunteer, an overachiever, and occasionally a hot mess.  My emotions are all over the place, I become distracted and have a difficult time focusing (hoping is is due to trying to keep everything separate and my kids!)  Because  I am all of these things my life is amazing!

Embracing all of these parts of me is making me a happier person. Expect to see more of a blend in the future.  My tea business will be shown more on my personal, author, and Celiac pages.  My day to day emotions are going to seep into my writing.  My quest to loose weight will be more prevalent.  I am not perfect, and that is OK.  The more I allow me to be me the happier and more productive I will be!