Once upon a time I had a friend. One whom I spent a lot of time with and helped shape me into the person I am today. This friend helped me step out of my shell and explore life I would never done by myself.
This was a friend who taught me it was OK to be different. It’s OK to act like a little kid in a grown up world and remember the wonder of experiencing something new. They made me feel strong at a time when my world was not. They gave me the confidence to be feminine when I have always been and seen as a tomboy. They gave me the knowledge that both worlds can exist at once. They introduced me to things like the theater, dance and life outside of my hometown.
I thought we would be friends for ever.
And I miss them.
Let me clarify, I miss who we were together. Life took us on separate paths for a reason. I love the path I am on now and hope they also love their path.
We stayed friends for some very important events in each others lives. Over time I could feel us drifting apart but I held on to the thought we were just in a growing phase and all would work out. It did . . . just not how I pictured.
Too many things have been said and unsaid for us to work our way back to each other, at least to the extent our lives once held. I understand that this friend was more of an important role in my life than I was in theirs, I am good with that knowledge. I am not good with how things ended; with hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
Over time we have peripherally checked in on each other. This is good and bad. I know how they are doing, which is great! Also know that it will not go any further than this, we have tried. The fit is just not the same.
Part of the reason why I miss this person is selfish. There are very few people who are still in my life from a certain stage in my life. A stage in my life that really defined who I am. As I get older and need a reminder of that strong, courageous person I once was the people to call on are far and few between. It’s like a foundation with huge patches missing.
My current support posts are strong, and I love them. Could not ask for better people in my life, please do not misunderstand. To use another metaphor, its like putting on your favorite sweat shirt or sweater. It is worn and thread bare in parts, but you still wear it because it is a part of you. It still makes you feel cozy and comfortable despite the worn cuffs and that you need to wear another shirt underneath to stay warm and not expose any unmentionables. You know that shirt, in fact I am wearing mine now.
To my former friend, it’s time I let you know I miss you. I forgive you and hope you can also forgive me. Most importantly
I wish you well in life.